minimoni, 2300 wds - more resting than running

[past_the_moon]

Title: more resting than running
AO3 warnings: None
Chars: Namjoon/Jimin
Tags: canonverse, comfort, family, love, relationships

Summary: Jimin and Namjoon start to plan their future.

and love was not what i thought it was
it crept up on me despite myself
and it was not a love song, it was something else
more like surrendering to something,
and more like resting than running.
peace is coming. peace is coming.

And Love, Florence and the Machine

Jimin lets himself in as quietly as he can. If Joon has managed to fall asleep in between the time he called and now, Jimin doesn't want to wake him. It's unlikely, but… just in case.

Joon's bedroom door is open, though, and the light is on. And he's sitting up in bed, squinting at his phone, glasses ignored on the bedside table. Jimin sighs, and Joonie looks up at him and smiles.

"You came," he says, like Jimin doesn't always come.

Jimin starts stripping down. He hadn't changed out of his pajamas before he'd left, but that means now they are outside clothes and don't belong on a bed. That's not something Joon cares about, but Jimin feels very strongly about it. Naked is better anyway.

He crawls under the covers, plucks Joon's phone out of his hand and puts it on his own side of the bed.

"Aish!"

"Behave," says Jimin sternly. Namjoon doesn't protest again but he does show Jimin both dimples. "No wonder you can't fall asleep."

"I couldn't fall asleep because my Mimi wasn't here with me," says Joon cutely, putting his hands under his chin. "Now that you're here, I'm sure everything will be fine."

Jimin pecks his lips, leans on him. As Namjoon lets himself be pressed into the pillows, sleepy, half lidded eyes watching Jimin's face, Jimin reaches, reaches — and turns off the light.

Joon chuckles. "I deserved that," he says, but Jimin gives him a long kiss and gropes his chest on his way back to his own side of the bed.

"You deserve a good night's sleep, baby," says Jimin, and settles back. "C'mere."

Joon isn't into BDSM almost at all, and since Jimin is just a casual enjoyer, they don't do a lot of it together. Not negotiated proper scenes, anyway — but Joon responds really well to Jimin's dominance, to being told what to do and pushed around. When they're in private only; in public he still struggles a lot with the image of a Strong And Proper Korean Man. And he doesn't want anything to impact the way people see him as BTS RM, the leader. Jimin tries to respect that. He's got his own shit, too, that Joon works around.

Tonight, as well, Joon responds to Jimin gently ordering him around by doing what he's told and relaxing into Jimin's arms. He practically melts onto Jimin and the bed as soon as he's being held, their bodies pressed together under the covers.

Jimin wishes he'd thought to undress Joon first, before this, so their skin can press together. But he'll take this, Joon's heavy body pushing him into the mattress.

"I know you said that you don't want to," Jimin starts. He keeps his voice hushed. Dark rooms always seem to call for quiet voices and secrets. This isn't a secret, though. "I know you don't want to leave this apartment."

"Mm," grunts Joon. He knows where this is going.

"But I'd like you to think about it. Please. We don't have to stay in Yoongi hyung's apartment. Or we can do what Hobi did, and buy the one above and below and build a house for ourselves there."

Joon grunts again.

"I hate thinking of you here by yourself when you could be with us," Jimin finishes. "I hate that you're alone here."

Joon sighs. "Please stop asking."

"I can't." Jimin feels desperate. "It's just going to get worse as we go into the new comeback, Joonie, and it's not like last time when we were trying to give you space. I don't want to give you space."

"I need you to give me space." Joon's voice is tight but Jimin can't drop it.

"No, you don't," Jimin argues. "You call me five nights a week to come over at two am because you don't want me to give you space. You say this every time, but I'm always here. And I always come, but wouldn't it be better if I didn't have to?"

"You don't have to."

Oh, Joon is getting genuinely angry. Maybe two am when Joon is struggling to fall asleep isn't the best time to have this conversation. But no time is the best time.

"I do have to —"

"I'm not an obligation —"

"Of course you're an obligation!" Jimin takes a long breath in through his nose. "You're my obligation. On purpose. What do you think a commitment is? A commitment is an obligation. I've chosen for you to be my obligation. And I'm yours, Joon. You don't feel obligated to me?"

"I don't feel like you're a chore," Namjoon bites off.

"You're not a chore, you're mine. Mine to take care of and mine to worry about and mine to love and support." Jimin switches to breathing through his mouth to get more air. "But you don't want me to move in here —"

"I can't even ask because I know you won't —"

"And," continues Jimin, ignoring the interruption, "no one wants me to leave hyung anyway, even though Jeonggukie is with us now too. Not even you, so don't pretend you'd ever ask."

"I could ask." Now Joon sounds grouchy, which is a huge improvement on angry and hurt.

"You could but you never would," says Jimin. It's easier to be calm when Namjoon doesn't sound like he's going to explode. He's trembling against Jimin though. Maybe he needs to try a different approach. "Joonie. I know we've all said we don't want another BTS house where we have to be with each other all the time."

Jimin and Jeonggukie do, but they are the only ones, as far as Jimin can tell. Yoongi hyung seems ambivalent, but won't go against them as long as he gets to stay in his apartment, the one he picked and loves, stay next door to his parents and never have to move again.

"But I'm not saying to give this apartment up, or never come be here, or never be alone, or always be… whatever. I'm saying… bring your clothes over and share my room and my bed. When you need privacy or to be with your art, come back here. It's not like we can't afford it. I still have my old apartment. Jeonggukie still has his house and he's there a lot. Especially during the comeback we'll all need places to be that are our own." Jimin feels proud that he's successfully getting through this. These are all arguments he's made to Joon before, but this is the first time he's getting to make them all in succession without Joon blowing him off. "Joon…"

Joon sighs very deeply.

"My Joonie," he says, and squeezes harder. "My Joonie, I don't want to live without you. And you aren't happy here anymore. It served its purpose. It's time to move on. Please. Our future is together."

Joon turns his face into Jimin's neck, the arm around Jimin's waist getting tighter. His voice is muffled when he says, "I worked so hard for this space."

"I know, baby. I know you did." Jimin has a lot more to say about this but he stays quiet. If Joon needs to work through this without Jimin's input, that has to be okay.

Jimin doesn't like it, he doesn't think anyone should work through things without his input — but he knows he needs to back off and chill out and let Namjoon think through things with his big brain himself.

They fall asleep like that, nothing resolved but still pressed together, holding each other. No one throwing things or storming off to sleep alone or complaining to their friends. It took adjusting to be together like this, romance and friendship and sex all mixing together, neither of them holding back or in denial, not keeping it a secret from the others or their parents or the company. But they worked at it, because they both wanted it. It was hard to sit down and have frank conversations about what they wanted from each other. And a little.. embarrassing, maybe?

Hobi hyung had had to moderate one of the discussions because they couldn't stop yelling at each other long enough to listen. That hasn't happened in a long time now, although Jimin knows it will happen again, since he and Joonie are both passionate people who feel things very deeply.

It's all been worth it for this, though. No shame, just love.

And the next morning when Jimin finally staggers out of bed, Joon is sitting on his couch with a mug of tea, staring at his shelf of tiny bowls. Jimin lies down on the couch and puts his head in Joon's lap, and lets Joon pet him.

"You're right," Joon finally says. "Don't say anything."

Jimin shuts his mouth against the Yeah I am! that wants to come out.

"I love this place but it's from a different time. I needed it and I don't need it the same way anymore. And I do want to live with you, you're right, I do, but I'm scared of it, because what if I need space and hurt you when I have to leave? Don't say anything," he says again. "I'm not the same person I was when we all lived in the dorms, either; that had its time and we're not there anymore, not any of us. I mean, can you imagine sharing a room with Hobi again?"

Jimin can, actually, and wouldn't necessarily say no to it, but he doesn't tell Joon that. Instead he replies, "If you moved in with hyung and Googie and me, I wouldn't be sharing a room with Hobi hyung even if he did decide to join us."

"I know."

"Okay, just making sure." Jimin giggles. "We could get one of those beds that fill the whole room so you and me and Hobi hyung could all sleep together. Do you think we could get a bed that would fit seven?"

"I do not," says Joon, but now he's laughing too. "Jeonggukie would love that so much, all his 'most precious people' all in one big nest with him."

"He took Tae's sweatshirt last week and wore it for days," Jimin tells him. "I told him I would just buy him a bottle of Tae's cologne, but he said it would be missing 'Taehyung ah's essential musk.'"

"God, that kid is so weird." Joon shakes his head. "I love him so much."

"Me too." Jimin turns a little to make himself more comfortable. "I think Tae's head was going to pop off its shoulders from gloating when I told him where his sweatshirt had gone."

"I think all of us feel good when Jeonggukie steals our clothes," says Joon. Then he takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. Jimin sits up to face him. "Minnie…"

"I'm listening," Jimin says. He tries to make sure he sounds as sincere as he feels.

"I'm scared," Joon says plainly. "I need you to have patience with me."

"As much patience as you need for the rest of our lives," Jimin assures him. He takes Joon's hand, and brushes his thumb over the ring he'd bought Joon for their six thousandth day of knowing each other. Give or take. Six thousand isn't really a baek il number, but when have they done anything conventionally?

"The rest of our lives," repeats Joon. Neither of them has said it like that before, not about this. But they both feel it, and they both know they both feel it.

"The rest of our lives," Jimin says again. "We have time if you're not ready. I'm sorry that I've been pressuring you. But you're not happy here, and you're not sleeping again, and…" He shrugs and sighs. "I hate to see you hurting when I can fix it."

He makes a face, ready for Joon to say, "I'm not a thing that needs to be fixed," but instead he says, "I know. I feel the same about the things that hurt you. So I want…" He squeezes his eyes shut. "I'll move in. And if by the time we start the tour it's still going well, we can talk about how to renovate hyung's apartment."

"We could buy something new if we needed to. If it's too much to move into a space that's already hyung's."

Joon shakes his head. "Hyung won't leave, you and I both know that. And if we renovate it, then it's not his anymore. It's ours."

Jimin lifts Joon's hand to kiss the back of it. "I love you, Joon. I just want you to be happy. And I know this will make you happy. And me. It will make me very happy."

"I want to make you happy so much, Mimi. I would live my life for it if I could."

Jimin smiles, knowing it looks a little wry. "You could never, but I appreciate the sentiment. And if you could, you wouldn't be my Joonie."

"Your Joonie," agrees Joon. "I'm going to call Hobi to help me pack."

"Why not me!"

"Because Hobi is organized and I want to be able to find all my stuff when we get there." Joon rolls his eyes, then tugs Jimin to him, onto his lap. "All right?"

"Fine, I guess," relents Jimin. Of course Joon has an excellent point and yet. "See if you can get Hobi hyung to come move in. I'll work on Tae and Tae will work on Jin hyung. And then we'll finally all be together again."

"It'll be a disaster," predicts Joon, but he's laughing.

"It'll be amazing," Jimin corrects. "Jeon Jeonggukie told me so."

"Well if Goo said it, it must be true."

"I'm given to understand that's an immutable law of the universe." Jimin resettles himself on Joon's lap. "I have the day off today and I'm supposed to learn how to make kalguksu. Your mom says every good wife should be able to make knife-cut noodles for his husband."

"Let's not tell her I'm the wife," Joon says wryly.

"Let's not tell her Jeonggukie is the wife," Jimin shoots back, and they both laugh. The way Joon's eyes crinkle and dimples come all the way out tell Jimin it's going to be a really good day.

Notes:

Yes, I am tremendously embarrassed that I have gotten so complacent that I did not save final drafts of my fics or mirror them anywhere! I know perfectly well the precarity of the internet, and YET. Once AO3 is back up, I will post everything from here there and try to continue to be less careless about making sure my fics are available in multiple places. THANK YOU to everyone who got in touch to say they hoped I would continue posting somewhere this month. I am so glad to know people are reading and enjoying my work! You will also be able to find fics over at past_the_moon on squidgeworld.

Octoberabble day 29 : Fall asleep

One left! This one and Day 30 are two of the scenes I had in my head from the beginning that I knew had to be the ending.

PS, they are not joking about top/bottom husband/wife dynamics. They are joking about who does most of the cleaning and laundry (and cooking). Not much better, but you have to laugh or you cry sometimes, especially when your parents are trying to be supportive of your "alternative lifestyle".